Bachelors
by Ponytail Goddess
Summary: An assortment of oneshot drabbles about everyone's favorite twins living as bachelors for the first time! Explore the humorous, and somewhat disgusting life of the twins during HBP as they learn to live on their own.
1. On Dishes: “But I’m Thirsty!”

Hi everyone! I don't know where this came from, but I hope you enjoy it! I haven't written anything for the twins in a long time and decided I missed it! Please enjoy this drabble!

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with the Harry Potter books or movies and will make no money off of this writing._

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**Bachelors**

_By Ponytail Goddess_

On Dishes: "But I'm Thirsty!"

"Hey, I'm going to get a cup of milk, all right?"

"That most certainly is not all right-"

"Oh brother of ours."

"What? But I'm thirsty! It's not like you're badly off or anything either; your bloody shop is raking in galleons—you've got bloody galleons to roll in for fun, so why the bloody hell can't I have any milk?"

"It's not like that-"

"Oh brother of ours-"

"We'd love to share, most certainly-"

"Indeed-"

"But-"

"But nothing—you have two bottles of it in here! There is absolutely no excuse for you to not give me a cup of milk! Now where do you keep your bloody cups?"

"That's the problem-"

"Oh brother of ours-"

"You see, we don't have any cups."

"None? None at all? Why the bloody hell don't you have any cups in your apartment?"

"Well, it's like this-"

"Oh brother of ours-"

"We simply cannot stand to do the dishes-"

"So we don't use any!"

"What the-? You don't use any dishes? None at all? Are you out of your bloody minds?! That's disgusting!"

"Now you've gone and offended us-"

"Indeed, suggesting that we aren't being sanitary-"

"After all, it's not like we drink out of the same container-"

"That's right; we buy two of everything-"

"It's right proper that way, I'll have you know!"

"Two of everything—oh Merlin, you really do! Two pumpkin juices, two fire whiskies—for fuck's sake, I can't drink anything in here, can I?"

"Nope, we each have our own so we can drink straight from the bottle-"

"Though I'm pretty sure we told you that before-"

"Do you have mush for brains or something, Ronniekins?"

"Because you sound a bit slow today, like a drunken giant or something-"

"You smell like one too-"

"Oh yes, indeed-"

"Put a sock in it, you prats! So you're saying there's nothing I can drink in here-"

"Or eat, for that matter-"

"See, we don't want to bother with plates either-"

"Or knives and forks, that whole bit-"

"You lot are sickening, you know that, right?"

"We're not sickening-"

"We're bachelors, you tosser!"

"Why do dishes if you don't have to?"

"One day, when you're out on your own, Ickle Ronniekins-"

"You'll understand that too."

"But…how do you know whose is whose?"

"Oh, that's quite easy-"

"On the bottom of each bottle is either a big letter F-"

"Or a big letter G-"

"And as you well know, F stands for Forge-"

"And G stands for Gred!"

"You guys…are…mental!"

"Why thank you-"

"Oh brother of ours-"

"How delightful of you to compliment us!"

"Indeed!"

"I'm still thirsty."

"Well, the Leaky Cauldron is only a block away-"

"Let's go there and get you something to drink-"

"On us, of course-"

"Oh brother of ours."

"What's the catch?"

"Catch?"

"Catch?"

"Why would you ask such a thing?"

"With you two, there's always a catch."

"Well…"

"There is perhaps one small-"

"Itty bitty really-"

"Teensy tiny matter-"

"Oh bloody hell, out with it! What do you want?"

"Just one little promise-"

"Oh brother of ours-"

"Promise what?"

"Not to tell mum about the dishes, of course!"

"Yeah, did you hear about that last time-"

"When she heard we were sharing toilet paper?"

"WHAT?!"

"Gotcha!"

"Really Ron, you must learn to be a little less gullible-"

"We can't believe you're our brother-"

"Falling for a stupid trick like that-"

"Honestly."

"But still-"

"We really do need you to promise."

"We don't want mum dragging us back home or anything-"

"Oh fine, I promise. Now let's go and get a drink before I dry out and blow away!"

"Thank you-"

"We love you-"

"Oh brother of ours."

"…'Oh brother' is right…"

_The End._

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I hope you liked my little drabble--please let me know what you think! Thanks for reading my fic!

-P.G.


	2. On Odors: “Do you smell what I smell?”

Lol, so this has gone from a oneshot drabble to what appears to be a promising series of drabbles about the twins and their bachelorhood. I'm not sure how many of these I'm going to write, but I hope you enjoy my latest installment!

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with the Harry Potter books or movies and will make no money off of this writing._

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**Bachelors**

_By Ponytail Goddess_

On Odors: "Do you smell what I smell?"

"Forge…do you smell what I smell?"

"Oh Merlin, please tell me you didn't blow off again-"

"Of course not, I haven't done that in the last…seven minutes."

"I knew that was you!"

"However, you didn't seven minutes ago, did you?"

"Blaming it on the dog only works if there is a dog within a three meter radius, Gred."

"…I suppose you might have a point there, Forge."

"I'm sure you'll remember it next time, brother dearest."

"Oh, trust me, the next time has already come and passed."

"Oh, for fuck's sake-"

"I am not, however, the cause of the smell that you are now smelling, brother of mine."

"What the bloody hell is that stench?"

"I don't know, but I daresay that I've never smelled anything quite like it."

"Other than when you're around Percy, of course."

"Oh certainly. He does reek of treachery, now doesn't he?"

"The bloody tosser practically oozes with it."

"…I think this might just be worse than the rank odor of treachery, Forge."

"Yes, I propose we open some windows Gred."

"And perhaps the door too…"

"Dear Merlin, not the door! We don't want the foul stench in our shop!"

"Point taken. So, what do you think it could possibly be Forge?"

"I don't know, is it the pants on the sofa? How many times did you wear those Gred?"

"Only twice Forge, and I'm pretty sure they are good for another go around."

"You had better smell them to be sure."

"Yep, they're still good; not a poo stain in sight."

"I didn't need to know that Gred."

"Oh come now, we're brothers! We share everything!"

"Oh yeah? Well, you certainly weren't willing to share those nachos you were eating last week, now were you?"

"You just can't let it go, can you?"

"No, of course not! You ate all of the cheese sauce that mum sent over!"

"No I didn't—technically Angelina ate some of it too."

"Well, I didn't get any and I wanted some!"

"Oh bloody hell, we didn't even finish off the nachos! I'm sure there are some leftovers around here somewhere…"

"Leftovers? Why didn't you say so?"

"I forgot, brother of mine. Plus, I am uncertain as to where the previously mentioned leftovers are located."

"Well, where did you see them last?"

"Um…well, I know I was eating some during the joke about the mandrakes at a bar-"

"You told that one? Gred, everyone has heard that one a thousand times-"

"Angie hadn't!"

"Oh, well in that case…"

"Yes, so when I got to the punch line, she accidently knocked the bowl back behind the sofa because she was laughing so hard!"

"I can't believe she hadn't heard that one before!"

"Astonishing, isn't it Forge?"

"So, what did you do with the nachos after they went behind the sofa?"

"Nothing. I suppose that means they're still back there."

"Wonderful Gred; now they're probably coated in lint!"

"Well, let's go salvage what we can. Help me pull the sofa away from the wall."

"What are you, a muggle? Did you make those nachos in a microbwaff or something?"

"Very funny Forge—I just forgot, okay?"

"_Wingardium leviosa_!"

"See, there they are! One problem—they're a bit fuzzy, and I don't think it's from sofa lint…"

"I thought mum's cheese sauce was yellow, not green…"

"Yes…well, at least we've found the source of the bad smell."

"You owe me cheese sauce Gred!"

"Yes, yes…next time mum sends it over, it's all yours Forge."

"So, what should we do with the leftovers, oh brother of mine?"

"You know, there is someone else to whom we owe some cheese sauce…"

"Oh really? And who might this lucky witch or wizard be?"

"Percy."

"You know, I heard he likes his cheese sauce green."

"Oh yes brother, he does indeed."

_The End._

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So, what did you think? Though I have a few more ideas for this, if you have some, please let me know and I'll consider using them. Thanks for reading!

-P.G.


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